Brokenhearted

I’ve not written of this anywhere else, not even in my journal yet, so this may be a bit raw. Sunday into Monday I was experiencing something new and uncomfortable. Turns out, it was something of a heart attack.

Here’s the thing. They always tell you when you are experiencing “chest pain” to go to the ER. So what, exactly, qualifies as chest pain? When is it bad-enough to go to the hospital? I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, so what is a 5 for me might-well be a 9 for someone else. Also, I’ve dropped weight bars on my chest. I’ve been shot with a rifle in the chest (another story, another time, but I did have on a vest). I’ve had indigestion that rivaled the “chest pain” I was sometimes feeling. I imagined it would feel like an anvil dropped on my chest, splitting my rib cage open and slicing my heart in two. I expected a heart attack to be so painful it was immobilizing. (Some are, some are not, I have since learned.)

Here’s my PSA: get it checked.

I’m going to describe my “pain,” so if anyone else is going to blow it off, they might think twice about it. Mine felt at first like tingling in the finger tips. I sometimes felt a surge going up my arms and meeting in the middle of my chest. It wasn’t much unlike the pounding pulse one might have after a run or strenuous activity. I should add that this would first happen after exertion, but over the weeks it became more and more common, to the point that going out to the mailbox would fire it up.

I came to feel the pounding, surging feeling getting more pronounced and more frequent. It would make my eyes pulse. I could hear it pulsing in my head. When we finally did saddle up for the ER, I was relenting only because it was making me nauseous, weak, and sweaty…and the sensation, the discomfort, was almost constant.

My blood pressure was 210/130 at the ER. I’m sure I was anxious, which did not help. I was not sure I was going through a heart attack, still am not sure I’ve actually had one….but my heart went through enough distress that I was eventually “cathed” and treated to three stents.

Ends up, I have been eating and exercising all wrong, and now my body is telling me that ‘enough is enough.’ I always felt invincible, and I had a pretty good run without surgery, medications, etc. (I will write of this extensively in my journal, share some with you, but it’s very humbling to face my own mortality. It’s truly hard for me to work through.)

Anyway, I have too much to do to kick off now, so I’m going to (finally) get with the program. Maybe aiming for immortality is not practical, but I intend to live a long, long time.