Insanity

Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I used that quote in my book Lost & Found. It’s a recurring theme in that book and in my life.

I'm guilty of this on many counts, but right now (actually for over 24 hours now) a red bird has been trying to get in my bedroom window. He keeps banging his head on the glass. He regroups on the tree branch not a yard away, shakes his head a bit, then charges back to the window pane. There must be some terrific homing instinct that drives him.

So, I took off the screen and opened the window full. What do you suppose happened then?
I think I’ll leave you hanging a little.

What is it that makes us—humans who are not so driven by instinct—do this same thing? Why do we repeatedly do something we know will not work? I suppose sometimes it might be sheer force of will, that drive that makes us great beings. We just know that one more chip at the stone, one more attempt--and we will break through! That's noble. That's determination.

I think, however, that more often we try and try again because we do not see the alternatives. We just know that this way is The Way, so it's the only one we put any effort or thought into. Other times we might stick with what we've always done (even if it failed) because we are not comfortable with the trying. We don't want to do something new and different because that is (on top of everything else) the Unknown.

In my case, finish carpentry is a weakness. I usually just stick with pirate ship club house carpentry. Whenever I have done something inside the house, it's been mediocre, like that I put sheetrock in my closet but never did mud and tape it. Or that I did mud and tape the laundry room but never sanded it out and painted it. Or the shelves I made of MDF but never painted or trimmed...the list goes on. I just take it so far, typically to the point that it functions, and quit, saying to my self that this is all I can do. (In my case I know very well the initial point of failure for me, back in middle school shop where an overzealous shop teacher failed me repeatedly on a little jewelry box project, but that's another story.) So, in this carpentry instance, it's pure/simple fear of failure that keeps me in my rut.

Some day, I’ll do everything right. Everything to completion. Until that day comes, at least my life and home….function.

Back to the bird.

If you guessed the bird would then shrug his wings and take off, you'd be wrong. He's kept at it for at least another 30 minutes now.

The window bears some explanation. It's a pair of double hung windows. He's beating against the top glass of only one of the four choices. The lower 1/4 is the one that is wide open, but he never attempts it. Oh the headache he must have, for yes, he continues his same futile practice.

I'm starting to think even instinct would guide the bird to try the open window. Maybe he's just insane.